Its All About Sex

And after a longish sabbatical I come back to write a new blog, not that I was frequent at this before either.
America, the land of million opportunities, of playboys , casinos , strip clubs and what not, and on a more sobre note, a land of Ivy league Universities. But I wont be wasting time digressing on topics about university culture.This being my first blog after coming to America, it is natural that I talk about sex.

The Attitude:
Disclaimer: Prudes should probably stop reading beyond this point.

But what the heck , we all love to talk 'sex'. Be it in hushed tones behind curtains, or boisterously on streets. Yet no one ,the 'no one' includes lecherous indian men who ogle/stare more than an owl at night ( not that owls stare at females, only for them , to stare is to see...but you get the point), is more obsessed with sex than the friendly neighbourhood American teen. To elaborate: Every teen movie hitherto made in hollywood has a generous portion of love making invloved. I am sorry that was an understatement. What I meant was every hollywood teen flick is centered around sex! From little known 'Gossip Girl' to the more famous 'American Pie' series. I saw this new movie - Good Luck Chuck. It is an OK movie, mind you Jessica Alba is amazing, but the movie aint that good. The story is basically this: the Chuck guy, when he was 10, refused to show his penis to some gothic chick, who inturn hexed him that he will never find / keep his true love. Fast forward 20 years and this guy finds himself treated as a stepping stone to a perfect marriage. In other words, there is a myth among the 'ladies' of the city that if they slept with him once, the next guy they meet will be their soulmate. No comments on the credibility of this plot, but you see where this comes from, sex sells here.

People here are liberated , sex starved (though they have it aplenty), and hence really open about the whole thing.

Sex education:
Ill relate a personal experience. I had gone for this event called 'Passport' to ASU. It is basically a welcoming event for all freshman and first year graduates. There people from sex education had put up thier counter. SO I was just roaming about when this female comes to me and offers me 2 condoms. Shocking as it was, I realised she was from the counter and she was just promoting healthy practices. So I went up to thier counter and I see that apart from condoms, they were giving away dildos too. Well what can I say. I tried to act blithe. Back home sex-education is confined to 'Doordarshan' and 'Zara Si Saawdhani, Zindagi Bhar Aaasani!'

The Story:
Typical conversations on a Monday morning ( all characters are fictional. Any resemblence to any one living or dead is merely a coincidence...... But the conversations are close to the reality though)

To the right: Josh and Nathan.
To the left : Cynthia talking on phone with Natalie .
Josh and Nathan are 2 players in the football team and Cynthia is a cheer leader. Lets go listen to what they have to say.

Nathan: Dude! What are you saying man! You and Cynthia?
Josh: Really dude! No fuck. It was a feakish night! Could have boned her so hard that she would have screamed the shit out of her!
Nathan: After all these days. I never thought you'll make it. So finally you are together. You are the man!
Josh: Hey gotta go now. Take it easy!........

Cynthia: Natalie! You will not believe wha happened yesterday. Remember I told you how I fancy Josh?
Natalie: Who? The Quarterback?
Cynthia: Yes(mingled with excited giggling)! He asked me out after the game yesterday, can you believe that?
Natalie: whoopie! So how did it go?
Cynthia: I was like so thrilled! We went to Hooters on Mills and then in the night we made out at his place. He was so awesome! I could have gone on forever!
Natalie: No way! But did you guys have protection?
Cynthia: Oh yeah! He had everything ready, Plus I always have some pills with me... You never know ( giggles!)
Natalie: I am so happy for you. Ok I have to go now. Tell me all later.



You notice the difference in attitudes between the men and the women. But in the end it all boils down to this... everyone had sex yesterday night!



While India sex is never stated explicitely, it is always implied, always refered in hushed tones and indicated by furtive meaningful glances and giggles, here sex in itself is thrown about casually. People change partners like changing cloths.

We Indians Do not have sex...period!.......excuse me? Did you mention something? ... what?.. oh second largest population? Ahh oh well! We arent as prude as we seem eh?

What you shouldn't do while bending Time!

This just in : sources relate that the anti time travel group successfully contrived to murder the inventor of time travel before he even invented it. The complex procedure involved going back 7 years 3 months 23 days 59 minutes and 31 seconds to the actual instance before time travel came into existence. However this move to kill is pandemically considered as being the stupidest act of the century. As soon as Mr watzhiznehm( inventor) was killed, the 7 anti TT found out to their immense dismay that their time travelling instruments went poof! which of course becomes obvious to thought and natural flow of events. If TT was not invented, how did they time travel in the first place, and more importantly how are they going to return back to their wives waiting outside the now non existent time pods?

It is also interesting to note how this piece of news came to be unravelled (literally). It seems that our correspondent was in the process of 'doing it' to his maid; when he found a parchment from his wife, in the maids undergarments.Infact Mrs Smithers( the wife of the correspondent) was an active member of the ATT and presently (or pastly, depending on the readers discretion)is/was leading the team in the act . As she was aware of her husbands disloyalty, had hidden this message in the maid's garments 7 years ago to let him know she was trapped in time. This sudden revelation resulted in an uncharecteristically loud whoopping sound from our correspondent, and the rest that ensued is not dissimilar from what archemedes did when he postulated his priniple I.e running to deliver the news unclothed to our esteemed channel.The act resulted in mass distraction of general public and other ATT wives, so much so that they dint realise the time pods go poof and as a side effect of this temporary distraction, several drug addicts are wondering what they are doing floating 7 stories above ground while they were supposed to be lying splat after their suicidal attempts.

Sleep!

Traveling back home from a dreary day at office, one can’t help wondering how one could do with a good night’s slumber to wash out the memories of an unsuccessful day. It is still with these thoughts that I stand in the queue leading to a place where dinner is served. I don’t remember how the rest half an hour went through. It could be possible that I dozed through half the dinner with the right hand mechanically driving a spoon into the mouth, which in turn drove its contents into the stomach. That’s that I say because next when I gained my senses, I was mysteriously on my bed ready for that long yearned slumber.

Sleep is by far the most invigorating activity one can indulge in (after you wake up that is).I am all for being active and ‘invigorated’, and the secret of my prolonged active state through the day is that I tend to sleep a lot …mostly through the day! I find it the cheapest of all excursions, in fact it costs nothing at all! (of course neglecting the cost of a sumptuous dinner). You can travel far and wide in your dreams and not pay a penny at toll booths and ticket counters for the simple blissful reason that they don’t exist at all. I wonder what will happen if the government wakes up one day and decides to levy tax on dream hours (in your worst dreams brother! That’s never going to happen…one hopes ) It would generate millions in revenues, with tax proportional to both hours and distance you travel. Even insurance companies can cash in, with special policies that cover accidents ( or maybe death) that can transpire in that mystic world governed by a semiconscious brain. Ha! Talk of rubbish!

Enough of rambling, back to where I was now. They say that your dreams are related to your thoughts during the last moments before sleep, which can’t be much because most of the time you are in a delirium…at least I am. Anyways, I enter that elusive alpha state and slowly ease of into beta. Presently I am scaling Mt everest.

“Why am I doing it?,I cant even climb a staircase without falling down. This is scary”

“ Its just a dream dude!”

“Who was that? Is it you God?”

“Iam your subconscience you fool!”

“Oh Cool, I didn’t know I had one. I was feeling lonely anyway, can you help me get down? I think I need to go to the loo! Where the heck are you”

“ I reside in a small region above your Hypothalamus. Enough of this. Change of scenery!”

“Ok so where am I. lets do some logical analysis. The skyline looks familiar, I am standing some place very high…my god it is chilly here! Hey isn’t that… Oh I am in New York .Great, What now?”

Suddenly I get this nagging uncomfortable feeling. What is this? Why is everything blurring out? And there begins a fervent discussion to analyse the root cause of this new development. After minutes of pondering the occipital part in the uppermost recesses of my head announces that it is nothing but stool approaching critical mass!

Occipit: “OK now get up buster! We have enough of training to avoid embarrassing circumstances!

Temporal brain, assume control! Open eye!”

“Ugh! Let me sleep! I Don’t want to go to school today mama!”

“Get up you moron!”

“No Ill change my body position!”

Thus continues the fight between various portions of my CPU. Meanwhile livid at being left out of the thick of things, the small region above the H joins the binge and conjures up images of someone falling!

“Holy mother of God !! I am falling”

“You are still dreaming!”

“Oh its you again! Thank god… but this is scary get me out!”

And in these moments of indecision, a left hand and a right leg give a violent twitch and while the brain tries to control the twitching limbs, it loses control of the torso which manages to roll off the bed.

As an aftermath the bedroom rings with a dull ‘thud!’ and a meek ‘Oww!’. Im still half asleep and and try to stop the walls from swimming around me… in vain. A sudden burst of pain shoots up my left calf and shatters against my teeth . “Damn the chair!! who the f@#$ left it there? Oh it was me”. Finally awake and swearing a string of profound expletives, I deign to empty myself in the nearest loo, swear not to drink water before bed, examine myself for any damage done and drop back on the bed.

This time thankfully sleep is uninterrupted, terminated only by the piercing rays of an ‘invigorated’ 9 o’ clock sun!